So you hear that saying all of the time - people who have things happen in their lives that say "I just never thought it would happen to us." And as a Mom, I was pretty darn sure I was prepared for the worst. I have spent many a times since the boys were born worrying about all of the things that could happen to them - cancer, car accidents, tumbling down two flights of stairs, getting into a fight, being stung by a bee and having life-threatening allergies, getting run over by a lawn mower, etc. I honestly thought I had run through in my head every possible thing that could happen to my children. Is that morbid? Oh my goodness yes. But I still did it.
And then all this happened. And even when we went to the ER for the 3rd time in a row, it never once crossed my mind a million years that this would be the result. I thought maybe he'd finally be admitted for a day or two, given some crazy antibiotics, and go home a few days later, hurting but otherwise ok.
Instead, here we are, four nights later with no end in sight. We don't have a clue as to what is going to happen to his legs. Best case scenario...he loses his toes? And worst case scenario...oh my god. And I cry...when I see his shoes that we packed in his bag before leaving for the ER Wednesday...when I remember that I signed him up for T-Ball that starts in June...when I take a look at that photos on the iPad and remember that of the 500 pictures he and Wesley have taken on there, 75% of them are of their feet. I have no idea why they were constantly taking pictures of their feet, but it's enough to gut you.
Dawson's been off the tube for 24 hours. It hasn't been great, or really all that good. Yes, all of his numbers are still looking. But physically and emotionally, he is a mess. Most of the time that he's awake, he's crying. He wants to go home so badly, and he wants to be a family there, so I am constantly hearing "I want to go home! I want my daddy!"
If there is a bright side to today (and to be honest, typing all of this, I don't even feel it), it's that we got moved to a bigger room with a larger window. I had teasingly asked yesterday, and then today asked again (not so teasingly). The nurse immediately thought it was a great idea - I think she knows that he's here for the long haul, and figured it would be easier on us. Plus, his new room is still right by the nurse's station, which is where he needs to be.